I am proud to say that I am who I am for myself. I may have taken a crazy route to get here, but everything I’ve done, all the people I’ve encountered, and all the mistakes I made led me here. I enjoy going through life as myself. I’ve made peace with my past and feel ready to move forward. But how?
I certainly don’t want to keep living my life the way I was. We all know the infamous definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I want my life to be like an episode of New Girl, instead it’s like repeating through the first season of Girls. “I wish someone would tell me, like, ‘This is how the rest of your life should look.'”
I wake up every day craving more out of life; my biggest fear is settling down. For so many twenty-somethings that is all they want; a man, a white picket fence, drooling babies, and a cute little puppy that pees on the carpet. That is honestly my worst nightmare. The last thing I want in life is to feel like it is passing me by as I conform to the social norms. I am not normal, I admit it. Normal is boring and complacent and I want nothing to do with it. I know that, but I can’t put into words exactly what I do want. So I’ll try bullet points, moments I want to have in life. Situations I strive to find myself in and yet somehow can’t seem to make happen.
- I want to listen to live music anywhere/everywhere with no inhibitions.
- Get lost with someone and turn it into an adventure.
- Eat things I’ve never eaten in places I’ve never been with someone who would enjoy it just as much as I am.
- Have conversations I’ve been avoiding because I feel no resolutions would come from them and against the odds finding some shared ground to stand on.
- Have the time and find the right book to read cover to cover- the kind that draws you in, holds your attentions, and lingers even when you’re done reading.
- Run into old friends that have the time to grab a drink or a coffee and actually have a conversation that matters.
- Travel without having to plan every single detail.
- Find a career that exhausts me but gives me pride.
- Do something that naturally relieves stress.
- Spend less time worrying and more time living in the moment.
- Prove to my family that I can take all my crazy ideas and make something beneficial out of them.
- Make a big move. Location, Career, Life Interest
- Find a man that I never second guess being with.
- Keep in touch with the people that positively affected my future.
The list could go on and on. I want to know what’s on everyone else’s list. I want to know that other people feel this same way. I need to know that other people crave that “feeling”. The feeling when you’re in a room full of people and the energy- the life- the vibe in that moment is pure bliss. The feeling when you’re unconsciously smiling from ear to ear. The feeling when you just know that you have a sparkle in your eye and you’re not ashamed of it. The feeling that everything is okay, you are making progress, and you are heading in the right direction. A reality check, daily affirmation, the moments that keep you sane, the moments that keep you grounded.