My Journey is My Destination

This is not a sob story, this is a success story.
I was a negative person. For so long all I did was dwell on the negative things in my life that were out of my control. Growing up I always struggled with my health. After years of being sick constantly, I was finally diagnosed with an extreme allergy to casein. Casein is the protein in any dairy and beef, so my whole life I have been consuming things that my body could not digest- forcing me to feel unwell all of the time. Once I found this out, all I could think of was everything I could no longer eat and how it was so unfair.
During this time I was also in an unhealthy relationship. The best way I can explain it is to share with you what he said to me at one point in our two-year relationship. This moment happened we were with some of his friends and I had said something weird or strange; I don’t even really remember what I said but I will always remember how he responded to it. Everyone rolled their eyes and he leaned into me and said something along the lines of  ‘Before you say anything out loud you should say it to me first because I don’t really think anyone wants to hear what you have to say.’ The feeling I felt in that moment has stuck with me since then. I spent years of my life trying to make something work, dwelling on the fact that he didn’t care for me like I cared for him.
I went on to have other unhealthy relationships, this time in friendships. I was always striving to make everyone happy and to fit in. I was being who my friends wanted me to be, never enjoying the time we spent together the same way they were. Not to say I didn’t have fun, I had endless amounts of fun- but never could understand why I felt like I had to force myself out the front door.  I always over thought it after the fact, causing me to almost dread group outings and events. I just felt so empty not enjoying things that everyone else seemed to be having a blast doing.
I spent my life up until this point trying to be the go-between and fix my broken family. I love them all but there is no hope for a portrait perfect family. My parents will never see eye to eye, my sister and I will always be complete opposites, and my other relatives will never get along. I would get so frustrated trying to make peace that I could never enjoy my family.
My current job is monotonous, strenuous, and extremely unsatisfying. I’ve spent most of my time here dragging my feet and procrastinating. I’m doing a bit of marketing but I’m not interested in what I’m marketing so I don’t connect with it. I put forth enough effort to get by but never more than that. For so long all I could see was a never-ending spiral of work with no end in sight, while I’m slowing decreasing my student debt.
Now I see it differently. The moment I realized that the things that stressed me out we’re impacted by external forces, my “aha moment”, I started apply that thought process to other areas of my life. All my health issues are out of my control, all I can do is be proactive about my health moving forward. Romantic relationships are supposed to help you be the best version of yourself, not restrict you to only be the parts that other people accept. Friendships are similar in that you share your life with people who have similar interests and you spend time doing things both sides enjoy. Family will always be there but if you only focus on the negatives you will never be able to enjoy the positives. There will always be struggles in the workplace, but letting your mind and time be consumed with them only restricts your professional growth and potential.I can feel all the pieces of my life finally falling together and I keep repeating to myself ‘accept the things you cannot change’. I’ve spent so much time dwelling on things that made me unhappy without acknowledging the fact that these things were completely out of my control. Looking back I realize I missed so many opportunities to enjoy life. That ends now. I have made the following promises to myself in order to make the most of my life:
1. I promise to be I proactive about my health by being active and taking care of myself. I promise to appreciate when I am in good health and take my vitamins…gummy vitamins.
2. I promise to be true to myself in relationships and friendships by being up front about who I am and how I am.
3. I promise to appreciate my family and most importantly, share with them the things I admire about them and am thankful for.
4. I promise to push myself and never stop making progress, big or small- I will keep working towards my career goals.
5. I promise to acknowledge that sometimes things don’t work out simply because they are not meant to be.
6. I promise to invest in myself and take advantage my potential and the endless possibilities I have in life.
I know it’s not going to be easy. I’ll most likely have my moments and have to remind myself of these things daily but I recognize that. I’m thankful everyday that I have my witz about me and have gained valuable perspective on life before I will waste anymore time. Who knows where life will take me, the road is long and in the end the journey is my destination.

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